Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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