O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize