I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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