Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize