I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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