you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
