on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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