Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
