After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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