What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
