I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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