Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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