My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
