there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
