Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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