I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
