so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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