Need sex. Gaining weight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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