please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
