??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
