Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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