this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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