i don't like sucking hair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
