Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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