Pants 0. Shit 1.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
