If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
