hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize