I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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