she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
