Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
