all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
