dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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