i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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