Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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