I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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