You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
