I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
