Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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