the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
