My liver just broke up with me...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
