Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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