I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i believe in u and ur pee
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