are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
