I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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