6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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