no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
