i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
