idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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