I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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