Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?