I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
