12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
