Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
