eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
