yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
