I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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