PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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