Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
