There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize